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      笑以苛:人人都是關山月

      作者:笑以苛 來源:文章閱讀網 時間:2019-09-29 06:23 閱讀:

        這雨溫涼甘甜,嘈嘈切切,彌漫著山川,覆蓋著城市,我躺在秋季里如一葉扁舟,沒有牽掛,亦沒有憧憬:做了一個夢,攙扶著歲月放歌……

        是啊,不知不覺我已經人到中年。打開窗戶,門外是一群大學新生在軍訓,他們斗志昂揚,意氣風發,好像十幾年前的我啊,你瞧,那個小女孩正在練習正步走,身體扭扭斜斜極不對稱,真好,籠罩在秋天的晨霧里奇妙無窮。

        看著這群小孩,忽然記起我有喜歡過的人,他是我心中的白月光,是我年少時節所有的夢,他如河流,如山川,如大海,如煙柳畫橋,如春光旖旎。到后來,我總是時不時得想起他,夢見他,可我們的緣分已盡,他仿佛只能以這樣的形式出現在我的夢里。我既難過又高興,既溫暖又失落,一生難能可貴愛一人,他卻消失在煙!

        我想起我少年時節的友情如蜜糖,如甜糕,如半山的月亮,如清晨的陽光,如雨后的空氣……我喜歡小強,喜歡蔡菜。一提起他們臉上便不自覺洋溢著燦爛無比的笑容……

        我也曾輕舟萬里:喜歡南京的浪漫,杭州的古典,瑞士的安逸,埃及的神秘,草原的遼闊,花海的芳香,動物的可愛,溪流的潺潺,巴山的夜雨,三峽的大壩,南方的山川,晴天的艷陽……我好喜歡站在風里吸吮天地萬物之精華,感受陰陽八卦之神奇……

        對啊,我是單純的少女,單純的群眾,希望這世界永遠歲月靜好?墒堑胶髞弟弟自殺了,我也因為大四那年的學費被小偷偷了,沒有正常畢業,后來做了生意,在內蒙認識了我現在的丈夫吳雍,他那時對我百依百順,悉心照顧,讓我覺得自己好像是遇見了愛情,一直跟他生活了很多年,我發現眼見的未必是真實!表面上他是位醫生,實際上是個殺人犯;表面上愛你入骨,卻是他表演到位;表面上單純善良,其實他才是魑魅魍魎……是呀,成年人的感情:暗度陳倉,審時度勢,斤斤計較,棋逢對手,劍拔弩張,百無聊賴。我和吳雍也是如此,后來我從心底厭惡他,可是由于社會關系,由于流言蜚語,我企圖告訴自己:忍一忍,這一生很快就會結束。對,我跟他上刀山下火海,經歷過刀子、棍棒、混混、高利貸、黑社會、下毒、毆打、過嘴癮……這些我曾不敢想象的丑惡,卻在成年一個個真實得面對……我跟大多數人們一樣:抑或經歷過爾虞我詐,抑或經歷過嫉妒陷害,抑或經歷過蜚短流長,抑或經歷過滅頂之災,抑或經歷過親人離喪,抑或經歷過詆毀暗算……但人活著就無法避免人性的丑惡與陰暗。然而好在總有一些光照亮你,溫暖你,牽著你勇敢得前行……比如我的女兒,小美,小美會使我的疲憊消散,她是一束可愛的光,使人變得柔軟,牽掛,細膩……使人看到生命的神奇與偉大,隱秘而神圣。

        經過很多盡管我內心已經入道,但是我依然避免不了世俗我也曾因為見到一個自己討厭的人而腦子缺氧;也因為鄰里的諷刺而得罪了他們:“嫁那么遠,你爸媽真慈善!”“慈善再不濟比不過無用!;我也曾因為勢力的邪惡而憤怒過,掙扎過!但這些都督促我長大,快速得進化,我曾幻想我要是一名開明的校長就好了,我要是一名正直的法官就好了,我要是一名有分量的官員就好了,我要是女皇就能為自己說話了……但現實生活,你只是個普通老百姓,所以怎樣面對困難,怎樣在現有的基礎上完善自己,救贖自己……我一次次得和自己和解,做斗爭,努力完善自己說服自己,我希望自己成為一個明媚的女子,幸福女人,我喜歡聞秋天的顏色,留聲機里播放著曖昧的音樂,音樂里有故事,故事里有你我,剁肉的聲音急促,煮面的動作嫻熟,拉布拉多懶散得伸腰,朋友圈嬉笑怒罵,晾曬的藍色緞子被褥是棉花在撒嬌,雛菊開了一半,野鳥自由翱翔……

        可是天下風云出我輩,一入江湖歲月催。

        皇圖霸業談笑中,不勝人生一場醉。

        提劍跨騎揮鬼雨,白骨如山鳥驚飛。

        塵事如潮人如水,只嘆江湖幾人回。

        我的生意最終失敗了,爸爸也去世了,主心骨沒有了,生活變得更加殘酷,你瞧吳雍的面目終于露出來了,他齜牙咧嘴,面目猙獰,他知道我沒有學位證,生意失敗,又欠下巨債,他拿起鐵鍬就打我,往死里打,他罵罵咧咧,完全就是一個活脫脫的惡魔,女兒的慘烈聲一直在我的周圍縈繞,我看到了好多人,看到了小時候的他們,看到了那個小偷的影子,看到了大學同學們的嘲笑,看到了權利與金錢下的人們,看到了嫉妒與誹謗,看到了毆打與謾罵……是啊,我被打暈過去……


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